Disclaimer: in different seasons of life and states of mind my beliefs (logos, ethos, mythos) seem to shift--as though part of me literally thinks magick, gods, or spirits interact with the physical world and part of me thinks "they" are at most influential in mental and social spheres.
I prayed to the Morrigan years ago about my contradictory longings to please my wife and to submit to a domme. I felt the words and sense of promise come to me, "I will make a way for you." I have searched for online dommes that would work with me in reality but at a distance, a liminal mixture of real and fantasy experience that could fully sustain both longings with complete acceptance and grace. I think my dream may be coming true: 1. Online hypnodomme provides real interaction through "likes," replies, direct messages, voice messages, sometimes personalized references in files, and possible live session(s). 2. She accepts real transactions as tithe and tribute as well as real service in promoting her business. 3. She is an actual person in the real world who seems to allow me to dedicate shamelessly to her and experience whatever belief or "belief" I have in the changing seasons of life and shifting states of mind. 4. She seems to really accept all types of gender and orientation as well as diverse approaches of domme, sub, switch, and a-poly-pan-bi-homo-auto-sexuality. (I must be in there somewhere, surely.) She has real experience and education in hypnosis and BDSM. 6. She led me in real 21-day training and fantasy initiation through altar work and goddess worship. 7. She seems to have endless creativity in creating fantasy in minds, files, videos, scenes, and sessions.
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(I hope you read this, Goddess Trix, my hypnodomme, as you recently posted a short about striking a difficult balance between exploiting the tropes of hypnotism--as magic or as control--and wanting to dispel them.)
"There is no such thing as magic...There is no other explanation." --The Haydn Dilemma Whit Haydn, one of the great Magic Castle performers and magic theorists posits the false syllogism above as the basis of any good magical effect: the feeling of shock at feeling the impossible. He claims that both sides of the dilemma must be clear to achieve the desired result, that the experience is a trick, an illusion, not real (on the one hand) and that all evidence and logic dictates otherwise. His example is the difference between classic theater and a magic show. We would find it bizarre at the end of A Tale of Two Cities, if the performers tried to prove that the guillotine was real and blade was sharp by chopping a melon first, yet this evidence would be conventional in a magic show. Similarly, in a performance of Peter Pan, we would not be bothered too much if we saw the wires--no ring is passed over the floating characters to prove there are no wires; however, in his flying illusion, David Copperfield has audience members on stage to inspect the glass box and carries one with him in flight as a convincer. This feeling of impossibility is the key to magic, according to Haydn, and I suspect is the basis of other experiences like "kayfabe" in the athletic theater of "pro wrestling" or ghost tours, where the disclaimers are weak or non-existent. Approaches to the cognitive dissonance vary: some American mentalists prefer to present their mind reading acts as supernatural while I'm told that many British performers treat the mentalism as a magic show. Darren Brown opens his Trick of the Mind television show and some live performances saying he uses a mixture of "magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection, and showmanship." [edit: Perhaps the cultural or personal differences in weak vs. strong disclaimers lies in the celebration of magick/mysticism vs. the debunking of magick/mysticism.] According to Whit Haydn, if either side of the dilemma is too weak, the experience of the impossible is turned into fantasy or theater (without evidence and convincers) or on the other side of the balance turned into the work of a charlatan or "closed eye" spiritualist. Haydn says that both the frame of magic performance (implicit disclaimer) and convincers (implicit evidence) create an elegant synergy. Too much disclaiming inside the experience or too much evidence out in the frame can upset the delicate balance. He promotes use of the false syllogism "it can't be real...it must be real" to create the ideal experience. Three shrines: One in heart, one at office, one at home. Three days to design, one day to build, activate on day of automatic pledge. I. Heart: (on cards for shrine) Meditations, trance, and altar work on the Tower and the Star for sacred love, lust, and magick. 1. "This or something better for the good of all concerned according to my perfect will." 2. Enn chanting and posts in Lilith energy: RENICH VISASA AVAGE LILITH LIRACH with sigils of XButterfly8, spiral, lemniscate, Lilith sigil, and crown above throne = renew inner domain, evolve in cycles forever, in Lilith and her absolute authority within... 3. Icon of Imaginatrix on altar for trances. II Home and III Office: (both have the same components)
1. One multi-faceted crystal at center 2. Two sides--black/red candles and wands on left/right with Tower/Star tarot cards 3. Three stones--labradorite (shapeshifting, Lilith), lapis lazuli (soveignty, flow, Isis), pink quartz (pleasure, Venus) 4. Four elements--fire (candles), water (wine glass), air (incense), earth (plant) 5. Fifth element = crystal at center, silk and real roses, bowl or cauldron, beads, watch or pendulum for hypnosis, cards with enn, spell, and image of Imaginatrix (see heart notes above). "How much does embodied goddess really want me?"
The better question (from a true submissive) would be "How does embodied goddess really want me?", coupled with a willingness to be anything (caveat: anything not destructive to self or others within the risk-aware, consensual limits) pleasing to her with my pleasure entwined with her pleasure with her honor and respect, professionalism and profit in mind, yet knowing to be sustainable, a certain symbiosis (perhaps code switching or transactional analysis) might be involved. So..how much or how does embodied goddess really want me? I trust at least for tithe, tribute, and--it seems--a live session.
My mind knows there must be a rational explanation for the monkey mind, must agree that some focal point is necessary, that some idol of right alignment and orientation is required, that my own desire must be the chain that binds, that my own will must give itself by my own name and responsibility.
My heart must feel there is trust, acceptance, and symbiosis--even in power exchange--must feel the ethos of consensus in some shared reality or perceived community, must feel risk aware consent and care. My body needs to sense growing branches of work, roots deep in bliss, and fruits of reproduction/rest: drive to life, pleasure principle, and death wish--yin and yang--as I long to lose myself in the mantra that calls to eternal Becoming, going all in, all the way, giving myself over, withholding not one drop. Will she close the circuit that takes me willingly into ever-growing will-less-ness...uncritical acceptance, unconditional love, complete surrender in pouring out my soul, withholding not one drop? "Far away in the heavenly abode of the great god Indra, there is a wonderful net which has been hung by some cunning artificer in such a manner that it stretches out infinitely in all directions. In accordance with the extravagant tastes of deities, the artificer has hung a single glittering jewel in each "eye" of the net, and since the net itself is infinite in dimension, the jewels are infinite in number. There hang the jewels, glittering "like" stars in the first magnitude, a wonderful sight to behold. If we now arbitrarily select one of these jewels for inspection and look closely at it, we will discover that in its polished surface there are reflected all the other jewels in the net, infinite in number. Not only that, but each of the jewels reflected in this one jewel is also reflecting all the other jewels, so that there is an infinite reflecting process occurring.[6]" --Francis H. Cook
This extended metaphor could be used to explain soft polytheism, polyamory, or Buddhist concepts of emptiness/dependent origination/interpenetration. light goddess, ambient goddess, dark goddess...who will take me as jewel in the net? What is this pleasure in the satanic taboo? The Queen of Swords and Dark Goddess encircle the horns of greed, aggression, and lust in the triple moon of yin energy, a fantasy that sends me to subspace
At least for me with goddess, archetypes, anima, full fantasy as well as para-social, liminal, and (I imagine) real play, --even for power exchange and giving myself submissively away-- sometimes a lighter touch binds tighter than brute force, formal protocols and physical chains.
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