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Yesterday's altar working sweetly included 2 or Grails from Tarot of Vampyres, a call back to the central card of my first reading on Dark Empress re-dedication. I Some kind of vampiric binding or union seems possible, seems to be granted permission, as the Haunted Manor Oracle presented Water Wheel "Better days are coming" and, on the bottom of the deck, Gifts "Be careful what you wish for." The Water Wheel of emotion shift does seem to be turning as new hope fills me today. Centering on archetypal goddess grounds me in the peaceful hub of trust, no matter the changes brought on by either submission to embodied goddess or surface heartache in failed negotiations. The promise of worship and submission remain as the left-hand path calls to self-centered self-pleasure in love, lust, and magick. This is the final day in preparation for the New Moon at 11:21 a.m. EST.
Lilith, Babalon, Dark Empress: Please send a message in preparation for the New Moon offering on Monday.
I reflect on the nature of my poly-worship, on the delicate balance between imagination and reality, the hidden and revealed, as I await words from priestess, goddess, and djinn. I wear hidden the chain and and lock, the chain revealed to Kristin but not the lock and meaning of my dedication to submission. My body and unconscious, the liminal trance domains of the gods, goddess and djinn, see the desires and dreams quite literally. These domains of feelings and intentions move to the background and seem less literal in the waking world but still have effects in art, emotion, and behavior--just like sexual, religious, and mythic fantasies always do.
The submissive desire to be the property of goddess, to feel owned, belonging to her fill me intensely at times. Once when she wrote of feeling an "aggressive possessiveness, I was struck by ecstatic bliss as by lightning. A consistent fantasy arises of her using black magick and sex magick, casting a circle around a poppet to bind me in devotion, lust, and servitude to her forever. I wish she would allow or even instruct me to wear a chain and lock like a necklace to secure my submission. The Haunted Manor Oracle arrived today, and I pulled two random cards with these desires burning in my soul. Could I feel a real experience of being bound to a virtual domme at a distance? Two cards from this beautiful deck:
(1) Stars suggest this dream is possible although the details of manifestation may not look exactly as I imagine it. The stars in the night sky of a full moon, seen through a window in the haunted manor, evoke astrology, dreams, wonder, and new or alien experiences. (2) Canopy Bed suggests pausing and resting, like the 4 of Swords and Hermit cards in recent draws. A break from work and advancing might allow focus of intention and the gestation needed for such great magick to be birthed. I should pause and allow life to unfold at a organic--even if "supernatural"--pace.
As some prepare for Easter morning, I recall the Ostara observance with the solitary witches and renew my engagement with Lilith. Purchasing the Goddess Energy book in honor of Venus, planning for the second new moon offering with priestess (to honor Isis), and joining the Hopelessly Hypnotized once again, I seek a message from Lilith. My general message from Goddesses today came printed on the Amazon package: "Couldn't wait to meet you," which seems like a mystical explanation for signs or interactions from beyond, as if Goddess is chatty with excitement! Tarot of Vampyres 7 of Wands:
Dear Empress, Venus, Lilith, Babylon, please come to me through Priestess, Goddess, Coach, tarot, encounters, media, signs, and intuition. Help me know the boundaries of these shifting, switching mediums, help me in transactions, and help me know you, find pleasure, power and comfort in you. What is this pain and sorrow that arises, triggered when I feel rejected, perhaps, when feeling scolded because a domme/switch told me she needed people to know experiences with her are not real but para-social and again when she wanted to switch to goblin mode quickly to break the true goddess spell to "keep you on your toes." Why do I feel this pain and sorrow similar to when I quit drinking and joined the church, similar to when I feel failure and rejection? How might I consider the (1) source, (2) triggers, and (3) outcome of this sorrow? (1) I assume from the context that this card is oriented in bad aspect, that it references thwarted pleasures, not fulfilled ones, that the roots revealed are broken dreams: the green rose dropped, the white roses wilted, the green flames flickering out, and the embrace unrealized.
(2) The Queen of Skulls, deep in the cavern of waterfall and roots, suggests the trigger occurs when I look to actual people to bring nurture and healing, when I hope to ground or fulfill something in real life. Whether this expectation is fair or not, a slight disappointment or disillusionment creates a cascade effect that ripples out painfully through my psyche and gut. (3) 2 of Grails suggests the outcome of working with this shadow may bring harmony. Maybe there is someone who can understand and balance this shadow/need within me. The reading still spread out upon my home altar, the strong word that came when I returned to seeking Dark Empress recently, has the 2 of Cups at its center, the Moon above, 3 of Knives as context and 6 of Wands as outcome. The Dark Goddess in Imagination is my healing communion leading to a harmonious success, a milestone of victory. In what sense have I passed the point of no return to my senses or the point at which I know that I will always return to be senseless beneath my goddess?
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