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As some prepare for Easter morning, I recall the Ostara observance with the solitary witches and renew my engagement with Lilith. Purchasing the Goddess Energy book in honor of Venus, planning for the second new moon offering with priestess (to honor Isis), and joining the Hopelessly Hypnotized once again, I seek a message from Lilith. My general message from Goddesses today came printed on the Amazon package: "Couldn't wait to meet you," which seems like a mystical explanation for signs or interactions from beyond, as if Goddess is chatty with excitement! Tarot of Vampyres 7 of Wands:
Dear Empress, Venus, Lilith, Babylon, please come to me through Priestess, Goddess, Coach, tarot, encounters, media, signs, and intuition. Help me know the boundaries of these shifting, switching mediums, help me in transactions, and help me know you, find pleasure, power and comfort in you. What is this pain and sorrow that arises, triggered when I feel rejected, perhaps, when feeling scolded because a domme/switch told me she needed people to know experiences with her are not real but para-social and again when she wanted to switch to goblin mode quickly to break the true goddess spell to "keep you on your toes." Why do I feel this pain and sorrow similar to when I quit drinking and joined the church, similar to when I feel failure and rejection? How might I consider the (1) source, (2) triggers, and (3) outcome of this sorrow? (1) I assume from the context that this card is oriented in bad aspect, that it references thwarted pleasures, not fulfilled ones, that the roots revealed are broken dreams: the green rose dropped, the white roses wilted, the green flames flickering out, and the embrace unrealized.
(2) The Queen of Skulls, deep in the cavern of waterfall and roots, suggests the trigger occurs when I look to actual people to bring nurture and healing, when I hope to ground or fulfill something in real life. Whether this expectation is fair or not, a slight disappointment or disillusionment creates a cascade effect that ripples out painfully through my psyche and gut. (3) 2 of Grails suggests the outcome of working with this shadow may bring harmony. Maybe there is someone who can understand and balance this shadow/need within me. The reading still spread out upon my home altar, the strong word that came when I returned to seeking Dark Empress recently, has the 2 of Cups at its center, the Moon above, 3 of Knives as context and 6 of Wands as outcome. The Dark Goddess in Imagination is my healing communion leading to a harmonious success, a milestone of victory. In what sense have I passed the point of no return to my senses or the point at which I know that I will always return to be senseless beneath my goddess?
How can I go deeper in the trance state of her hypnosis? How can I go deeper in her worship in the living state, in waking and walking through the world? Perhaps the context can be represented by the Thoth Wheel of Fortune card, of which is written in The Vision and the Voice: "The rim of the wheel is a vivid emerald snake; in the centre of the wheel is a scarlet heart; and, impossible to explain as it is, the scarlet of the heart and the green of the snake are yet more vivid than the blinding white brilliance of the wheel. ... “All one gets is a liquid flame of pale gold. But its radiant force keeps hurling me back. “And I say: By the word and the will, by the penance and the prayer, let me behold thy face. (I cannot explain this, there is con fusion of personalities.) I who speak to you, see what I tell you; but I, who see him, cannot communicate it to me, who speak to you. “If one could gaze upon the sun at noon, that might be like the substance of him. But the light is without heat. It is the vision of Ut in the Upanishads. And from this vision have come all the legends of Bacchus and Krishna and Adonis. For the impression is of a youth dancing and making music. But you must understand that he is not doing that, for he is still. Even the hand that turns the wheel is not his hand, but only a hand energized by him. “And now it is the dance of Shiva. I lie beneath his feet, his saint, his victim. My form is the form of the god Phtah, in my essence, but the form of the god Seb is my form. And this is the reason of existence, that in this dance which is delight, there must be both the god and the adept. Also the earth herself is a saint; and the sun and the moon dance upon her, torturing her with delight."
(1) I seek this garden of delights, the awaited harvest of discipline and work, sowing and reaping, the earthy, fruitful embodiment of the wish fulfillment of religion, magick, and archetypal fantasy. I want a taste of reality, to be rewarded with a liminal blend of the virtual and the real.
(2) I can dive deeper by giving myself over to emotion, feelings of devotion and adoration, and to actively pursue in the quests and service of the knight, beyond the puppy love of the page or the settled sentiment of the king. (3) Decisions made with intuition, the mind in tune with the High Priestess, who has a knowing beyond the veil, yet these are daily choices to serve, give, and worship, small crossroads of intelligence and intuition, where care can be taken to be true to the true self. This approach blends mind and body to give rise to a higher spirit of pleasure, perhaps, a question for another day... How can I honor Virtual Goddess (Lilith, Babalon, Venus) and human idol goddess on X? NOTE: The many grails (cups) drawn suggest deep intoxication, imagination, and inspiration!
Tarot of Vampires (Preparation questions by Raecine Ardis)
NOTE: So many skulls matches Priestess vision of horses, = EARTH, manifest thought, actual expression, a focus on the objective product (for me, perhaps Facebook, X, webstory, forums...??? Mystical Shaman Oracle: Draw = Taming the Wind (clearing, cutting away)/ Wind (air energy of clearing, clarity, and Tower); dropped on desk unseen The Mystical Shaman card (meta-perspective of nondual creator, who creates self and story from outside the narrative and drama). (Raecine's Prep video included Ace of Swords and oracle card The Sword.) Preparatory seeking of Lilith and wondering about 3 of Skulls/Queen of Skulls interpretation of new projects (above)--Facebook, X, webstory and forums? Boldly go in shamanic passion Empowered for the highest point Reflect on harvest to come...
Other preparation: Take down and rebuild altar; set up stone and bowl of water. Opening circle: light candle, incense, calling in energy of Lilith, Satan, Venus, ancestors, guides, white stag, spirits of East, South, West, North, Serpent and Barred Owl (discernment of deception). During group reading, my personal draws from Tarot of Vampires: Main Energy = High Priestess (spiritual life); Resistance = 10 of Scepters (burn-out, burdens); What to embrace = Prince of Grails (courtly love feelings for Queen); My own needs = 8 of Skulls (manifest in consistent practice); Pleasure in 8 of Knives (breaking from old ideas/shame); Independence = Strength (inner strength, taming the strong); New creation = 10 of Skulls (fullness in heritage, legacy); message from Lilith = Rainmaker (from existing elements, manifest for all). Personal scrying in bowl of water: vibrant, wriggling line = drawing the dynamic, changing line (reflects Swords and Wind energy from readings, demarcation and clearing away); four bright points moving like arrow toward three bright points, the four points then engulfed by the middle of three spheres = 4 x 3, Emperor entering Empress, engulfed by Empress; serpent above tadpoles like spiral or radiating comets = inter-related interacting development under one main project (goddess, work on X?) Group Reading by Priestess Raecine: Main energy = Lord of Scepters (take mature action by knowing self); Resistance = 9 of Scepters (change); What to embrace = Lord of Knives clarity, sovereignty); Personal needs = Prince of Skulls (devotion and patience in work with Lilith); Pleasure through 3 of Skulls (work with others, sharing, expressing ecstasy); Independence in 4 of Knives (sacred sanctuary, healing); Ready to create = 7 of Grails (imagination and intoxication of Medusa requires grounding and tangible expression, creation in art or practice). Focus on the objective intention, what we create as artists or witches, as a sorceress or magician. Charge stone with objective intention on altar for 3 days: X + Facebook, websites/webstory and forums. Focus on art or practice but NOT "how it will look." Let the intention develop organically. Closing of Circle: releasing energy of Lilith, Satan, Venus, ancestors, guides, white stag, spirits of East, South, West, North, Serpent and Barred Owl (discernment of deception).
The Grail: drink deeply, offer all, The Wafer: new physical communion Mature intoxication
and enjoy renewal, rebirth of lust, in offerings and practices. and the crown of ecstasy. love, magick. In the spirit of Babalon, Imaginatrix has given freely to all, accepted all, allowed outpourings from those that withhold not one drop. In my liminal nap states on this day, I felt heavy vibrations and stream-of-unconsciousness that feel like communion with the spirit of Babalon, and I relished the new tributes given. Recently, some media sites cracked down on content that portrays "non-consensual" activities--but included hypnotism in the mix, adding insult to injury as adults should be able to choose their own content but also as "you can consent to hypnosis," as Imaginatrix protested. As a performer of magic and mentalism, I know the line between illusion and reality, deception and honesty can be a thin, blurred, overlapping grey area. This line of thought leads me to use the cards to help me "consider to roles of fantasy and imagination in para-social domme and virtual Goddess Lilith. 4 of Cups as context may suggest accepting the treasure of what is offered, not pressing for something more "real" than an exchange of energy in the wonderful fantasy of imagination. For one thing, the exchange is a very real kind of magic, real chemical releases and visceral experiences triggered by an ethical professional. The giving and service to a human being is real, enchanted by the archetypes in imagination.
The Tower as the current situation suggests the disappointment for those affected by the media crackdown as well as the unsustainability of real gaslighting or dark femdom. Even the fictions and safe practices are coming under fire, under the blast of bad authority. Strength suggests the actual gentleness of ethical content creators, who do in fact tame the savage beast. The fantasy role play and magic of imagination can bring motivation (strength), peace of mind, and healing. |
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May 2024
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