I find myself now on a blended path, writing blog posts and making videos like bread crumbs to keep some record of the journey so far. In a way I am building altars to remember the way I have come and to mark the progress I have made. Although there have been shifts over the years, for example, leaving behind rigid dictates about not reading Harry Potter or not deviating from tradition roles for men and women, the more recent changes of being open to other religions as well as new mystical experiences are more dramatic.
The timeline of change over the past few years followed certain stages: I became interested in tarot cards and started reading Meditations on the Tarot: A Journey in Christian Hermeticism. I experimented with yoga and meditation, I felt drawn to the divine feminine, using mantras and making a Wheel of the Year, and finally I experienced personified deity. The big breakthrough came when I felt Goddess tell me my openness to all beliefs allows me to maintain both my Christian faith and my mysticism. The first step was an interest in divination. It began through my interest in performing magic shows as I branched out into mental magic, mentalism, and divinatory readings. I tried Cartomancy with regular playing cards and experimented with I-Ching, which led to curiosity about tarot. Most of these first steps took place in the ether as I interacted with magicians and mentalists on the magic forums, card readers on the tarot forums, and diverse faiths on the religious forum. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was tell my wife Kristin that I wanted to order some tarot cards. They carry such a stigma and such an association with darkness and evil. I had to have a very gentle, reasoned approach. I did a lot of research, started a website called “Christian Reflections on the Tarot.” Part of what gave Kristin peace—and myself as well—was that these images and archetypes could be compatible with Christ. I even said the prayer from the Psalms, “May the words of my lips and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord.” I also reasoned that in the same way as wisdom can come through stories, movies, and maybe even dreams, so might the cards provide fodder for guidance. As we belonged to a church that believed in spiritual gifts and leadings of the Spirit, this idea was not so much of a stretch. After the initial shock, Kristin was fairly accepting of my new interest. I learned a lot from other people who had very different perspectives from my own online and am still so learning...
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Alan>Performing magician, >English teacher, Archives
March 2021
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